Merely Players

Lights! Camera! Action!…

are words to live by. As I sit here and type this I am listening to the incredible soundtrack to Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The legendary John Williams and his orchestra score this film, along with all the others in the saga, so perfectly. Having recently purchased The Force Awakens on Blu-ray, I have watched it a handful of times, in addition to seeing it in theaters twice. This is one of those films that apparently inspires a blogger to blog. But more than that it inspires me to become more infatuated with the idea of acting and film making in general. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always entertained the idea of one day being an actor or director. Actually, I really wanted to be a child actor on a Disney Channel show. I believe I’ve mentioned that before on this blog. But now as my 26th birthday approaches, I can’t help but notice that this feeling has not gone away. In fact, as I’ve gotten older and exposed to more and more art in the world around me it has only gotten stronger. But what do I do with that? Blogging at 4 in the morning isn’t going to take me anywhere near a set or even an audition.

I think Sylvia Plath said it best; ‘The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.’ And boy how true that is. Probably the biggest reason I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything with this desire to act is because of my increasingly abundant supply of self-doubt and exceedingly absent self-confidence. They always say fake it ’til you make it. At first you wouldn’t think that applies to acting but when you really start to think about it, isn’t that what acting is? I mean, on the surface anyway. You’re pretending to be somebody – or something – other than yourself. It’s make-believe and we’ve all done it from an early age well into adulthood. It’s human nature to act. Old Bill was on to something. All the world really is a stage. That’s not to say that real life doesn’t exist or that there aren’t consequences to every action. But when there’s so much horribleness in the world around you, you have to put on a brave face – a mask – and push through it. It’s something you react to, just like acting. And I don’t want to come off as if I know what I’m talking about. I really don’t. Anybody reading this who may be an actor or another person of experience in the field may be able to see my naivete on the matter. And to those of you who fit this profile, I ask you to leave your wisdom in the comments. How does one best break out of their shell? How do you stop the negative thinking and pessimistic outlook on the creative endeavor? If someone has talent but no confidence do they really have talent at all? This reminds me of a Green Day lyric from the song “When I Come Around“; ‘You may find out that your self-doubt means nothing was ever there. You can’t go forcing something if it’s just not right.‘ But by the same token, Mr. Armstrong, you also can’t find out that you’re forcing it if you don’t even try it. And that’s where I am at the moment. I want to try it. I want to break out of my shell and step on stage. I’ve been on stage a few times in my life. And each time it has been an incredible feeling. I’ve never done hard drugs but I feel like being on stage or performing in anyway gives you the same high that one might have to chase from drugs. It’s exciting and sends chills down your spine. And you want that feeling to continue, so you do it again and again and again. What a healthy drug performance art can be. Art in general, really.

So I guess the point of this post is to express how I’d like to try acting. I don’t really wish to “make it” so much as I wish to just do it. (Nike, your check is in the mail). I know it’s a hard business but as a passion, as a craft it’s a labor of love. I just need to figure out how to place faith in myself and manifest the necessary gumption to go out and audition. There are many things that I must accomplish before that process can even begin. But I feel as though if there’s a will, there’s a way. My will is strong, it’s just getting the confidence to match it that’s the trick. You never know what’s out there waiting for you until you get off of your ass and make things happen for yourself. So be true to your passions and interests, folks. Don’t wait for something incredible to happen. If it’s worth your passion, it’s worth your time and effort as well. Be good out there, and break a leg!

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