I sometimes think I’m more of a journalist than a narrator. Don’t get me wrong, I really love creative writing. Fiction. Creating characters out of thin air and making them say and do things. I would like to hone my writing skills in this area a bit more. I have often come up with ideas that I think would make for really original, and interesting movies or television programs. But I have no idea how to fully form the ideas and adapt them for the screen. I don’t even know how to properly plot a story. I know the terms, but don’t fully grasp what they mean or their significance in great storytelling. But I can express what I’m thinking and feeling well enough. I can talk about things. I can do the things any mediocre blogger can do. But what I want to do is blow the socks off of anyone who cares enough to read my work. More than that, however, I would love to make things that I want to read or see on the big screen. I’m a little disheartened by the trend in Hollywood of making movies to make money instead of for the sake of sharing an art form. Art is such an invaluable and priceless privilege to behold. If you are lucky enough to be able to appreciate art, then you are also free enough to create it yourself. I’ve always wanted to make movies but have always struggled with believing in myself, and still do to this day. I have very low self-esteem and confidence in many areas. The few strengths I believe I do have I would love to use in order to build up my weaknesses. That’s basically what growing up is, right? I say growing up as if I’m 6 years old. I’m 26 and going on 80. Or so I feel at times. I think I’m losing my train of thought here. I’m going off the rails on a blogging train. God, that was stupid.
So I want to write for movies and T.V. and stuff. I would also enjoy having some novels published. However, there are some problems with that plan. I’m a lazy perfectionist. I procrastinate and beat myself up at the same time when whatever it is I’m trying to do doesn’t come out the exact way I see it in my head. Be that with painting, or music, or writing. I have ideas, feelings, and things to express and I have a set idea on how I’d like to express them but when the time comes and it’s not quite right I just see shit and give up. This is not healthy, but I feel this is the same with many artists and creative types. I’m hoping that school will help me down this path to being a writer or screenwriter or what have you. But I know I will need to discipline myself just as much as schooling will. Right now I’m on the precipice of the beginning of my college years. The first 2 years are all I have planned for right now. I’m going for an associate of arts degree in general studies. Basically most of, if not all of the stuff I am required to do before I can obtain a higher degree in pretty much any field of study. I have not yet decided on what I want to get my bachelor’s degree in or where I would like to attend school for said degree. It’s looking like UCF at the moment as I still don’t drive and my current school, Valencia Community College, has a transfer plan that guarantees admission to UCF. That seems like a reasonable thing to do. But that’s still 2 years away. For now, I will be focusing the time off from my full-time job on school. I’ve mentioned on the blog before about how I will be taking all of my classes online. I also work from home. So when spring break and the winter break comes rolling in I really need to get the hell out of the house for a bit. As much as I love this place, never leaving it can drive you mad. Welcome to the Hotel Groveland… You get the picture.
Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll look back on this blog and smile knowing I didn’t give up. Maybe my readers, or fans of my movies, will treasure these pre-fame posts. Not as if fame and fortune is important. It really is not. What is important is to keep making art and expressing yourself. I want to make movies for myself and my friends and family to enjoy. If other people enjoy them and want to give me money for them, okay sure. Why not, right? But that’s not what it’s about. It’s about being true to yourself and your art. You can’t paint a million dollars but you can tell a million stories. And that is worth far more to me than any studio deal could cut a check for. So now I just need to keep my nose to the grindstone with school, work really hard, and maybe I’ll get a chance to make some wonderful art.